Lately, I have come to learn that my presence in a group impacts each member’s wellbeing implicitly and its success explicitly. A quick search revealed that this is known as Group dynamics, a concept at work in nations, teams, communities, families, and essentially every group setting. In this post, I share my observations on how groups are formed and why small differences matter using relatable examples from my life experience.
Genesis
We observe each other, obsessed with difference and desperate for sameness. Walk into any room(an office, a coffee shop) and watch the silent assessment unfold. People scan for markers like race, accent, clothing, posture, the phone someone carries. These differences fascinate us, define our first impressions, shape who we approach or avoid. Yet the moment we form groups, those same differences get suppressed, sacrificed for the sake of unity. This pattern repeats at every scale from home to school/work to corporations to nations. Small individual differences organize us into groups, and those groups demand we overlook the very differences that drew us together.
For example, a random encounter between two people involves instant calculation: skin color suggests race, posture and eye contact signal confidence, clothing hints at wealth. Before a single word is spoken, each person has begun constructing an image of the other, filtering observations through their own experience and bias. The curiosity follows naturally, “where are you from?” We want to know how different they are and where that difference places them relative to us. For instance, if you believed that Asian people are not friendly and encountered one in your day, say at work or school or your commute, your mind would attempt to prove the point of unfriendliness. It oftentimes goes sideways.
Forming groups
It is common in schools for teachers to split the class into groups for an exercise. This is one of the many moments that prompt introspection about our desires and values. A specific person’s name renders itself in your mind almost instantly, often the product of hyperfocus and rapid reasoning as you rush to secure them for your group. Why this person? Something about them creates a meaningful difference at the individual level. Their presence in your group matters. Meanwhile, everyone else is doing the same.
Zoom out to the entire group that’s formed. Your eyes move around each member, assessing their capabilities and how they’ll influence your confidence or position in the exercise. But now that the group exists, something shifts. Everyone begins to accept and overlook the small differences between one another. This is a personal sacrifice, ideally, you would assemble a Swiss army of perfect team players, but instead you supress that desire in favor of the group’s wellbeing. When everyone make this sacrifice, it creates a silent foundational belief: we have all set aside our personal preferences for the group’s success. The majority, if not all, agree.
Zoom out again to the classroom level. There are many other groups too. Some contain that one person you fear or feel uncertain about. Looking around at the other groups creates a sense of competing for meaning. Some groups intimidate you from past experience or interactions which have revealed a bulletproof version of certain members (people who seem better or stronger). This is when you lean back to your own group, reminding yourself and your teammates, “we’ve got this.” Often this is accompanied by identifying weak links in the other groups and sharing those observations within your circle. The inner belief grows stronger.
Believing what we see
Let’s say, groups are identified with colors like red, blue, green and so on. The belief is then tired to something physical that reminds everyone where they belong. It is no longer a belief but objective faith. In the world today, a classic example is exhibited in sports teams each having its own attire, founding story, and/or belief. When people act in the world, doing the exercise in this case, we fight for the success of our group. This act solidifies and engraves the belief within us as we fight for the group.
Finally
The small differences will always organize us. The question is whether we let them define us.
But what if we don’t
An example from Claude Sonnet 4.5 on Feb 11, 2026
In programming, this pattern crystallizes clearly. Tabs versus spaces, Python versus JavaScript, React versus Vue. These aren’t merely technical choices though they become identities. Teams form around tech stacks and individual preferences get sacrificed for the codebase’s consistency. Then the belief ties to something physical like laptop stickers, or framework logos on t-shirts. “I’m a React developer” becomes who you are, not what you do.
But some move fluidly between languages and contribute to competing projects without declaring allegiance. This extends beyond code. In religion, nationality, politics, career, we face the same pattern. The search for meaning is inevitable since we are wired to finding belonging. But we’re also human, which means we’re free to pick and choose. Free to participate without being possessed. Free to wear the colours without forgetting they’re just colors.